Although it may be cold, and even dark in the deep spaces of your heart this season, you have not been forgotten.
Breathe Beloved…
God is near to the broken hearted. May you find yourself in a blanket of peace and love as you continue to exhale breath by breath. May an Angel of light ignite a flicker of hope, and a reminder that although the sorrows may be much, joy is on the horizon. God’s Plan.
Amen.
Sadly, It’s not the most wonderful time of the year for everyone. We have brothers and sisters who are surrounded by sadness, grief, loss, depression, anger, trauma, pain… Fighting each day to just breathe, as they participate in the world that continues to whirl around them. Trying to make it through the day, the moment, and it is actually painful. The struggle for footing is real. Maybe that person is you, or it was you in another season. Feeling like the world around you had not even noticed that you were still crying, caving, dying slowly on the inside. They did not pay attention to the lifeless words you spoke. Nor did they realize how deep in the darkness you actually were or maybe still are. I know what that feels like, and let me say I’m sorry for how that affects your thoughts of your worthiness here, because you do still have value in the midst of it all.
When I lost my father many seasons ago, the last thing I had the strength to do when the holidays inevitably rolled around, was to make my ‘Yuletide Gay’. It’s not that I was alone, there were actual people around me. Like physical breathing bodies, I mean I wasn’t in complete isolation. But they seemed to be in a different heart space. Ever been in a room full of people and felt so lonely you could hardly breathe? That part. I actually loathed that time of year. I had deep needs and one was just the need to feel anchored to something that didn’t hurt. And what made it worse or better or worse, was I had a little set of eyes looking to me for ‘holly jolly’ direction. I had no idea which way was up let alone where to find some holiday ‘cheer’. I didn’t want to participate in any of it. As a matter of fact, it would be several christmases before I felt like participating again. I did the best to smile on cue, laugh when others were laughing, and sneak off any chance I could to the nearest bathroom for a silent cry releasing the built up hurt and pain…
As much as I wanted to give up, and was battling that all too familiar voice telling me that I and everyone else around me would be better off if I in fact did, something kept a small tab on my heart. Something like a little gentle nudge that when I became overwhelmed to earth shaking anxiety attacks, would comfort me. I can’t really explain or describe it, all I know is as I have matured I have come to know it was the Spirit and voice of God in me. Turns out that entire time God was right there with me. In my pain. My anger. In my struggle to continue doing the day to day thing again and again. God with me…Emmanuel himself gently loving me through the darkness into the light. It took some time for me to truly recognize it as God, as I had not met that part of His character yet, but I know Him now!
My prayer is that if you are currently walking a similar season out that you will come to the knowing that as much as you feel alone, you are not. Lonely maybe, alone NEVER! I pray you make it to the end of this day, and wake up tomorrow with just a teaspoon more of strength to give it a try again, and again. And again. And again. Because what I know is that God is faithful to his children, and like any great father when their child hurts, He cares for them. Psalms 56 says “you’ve stored my many tears in your bottle-not one will be lost.”-TPT So with that may you understand that as you breathe you are loved, cared for, and the creator of the universe sits with you in your hurt dark places, softly ministering love and healing. He will send Angels of light to deposit hope in you along the way, until you can consistently stand firm again. For now it’s ok to feel what hurts because pressing it down can have a devastating release as it inevitably makes it way out. So grieving is necessary and healthy. Seek help of others, doctors, therapists, they are all gifts from your Heavenly Father, to assist you in your emotional wellness you don’t need to carry the weight of the season on your shoulders all by yourself. Especially now that you have a new perspective that Love is manifesting inside and will not leave you or let you down. Love never fails, and won’t let you fail either. As long as you have breath you are still in God’s plan.
I love you and I’m praying for you.. -Shaherah
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Thank you so much for being so open and honest here!! I can relate so much and just this past thanksgiving I felt all of this!! Didn’t even know how to say happy thanksgiving to some!! But with God!!! His strength and the comfort only He can provide got me through and shifted my perspective onto things I am thankful for and have, rather than the lost!